What is Family?

Over the last couple weeks, I have been bombarded with this question in my own heart. I spent last week, my vacation with 36 of my family members at another epic Wickert Family Reunion. It was great watching my kids get to hang out with cousins they never really get to see. I loved spending time with my Grandma. Doesn't get any better than that. The beach was great and it all was fun. 

I came back on Friday and had some of my kids visit from Cleburne. They really aren't kids now. These boys were my boys. When they were in elementary school, I ate dinner with them every Wednesday and we shot videos for Kid's Church announcements. Our "Sunday Morning Update" videos were always fun. I was so proud to see how they are becoming great men of God. They are also becoming very tall. Actually, they already became tall. I had such a great time with those guys being here this weekend. I think they are just as much a part of my family as anyone. (You too Ms. Teresa, you are the best). 

Sunday, just as our evening service was beginning, I received a Facebook message on my phone. One of my kids from Kid's Church was contacting me. He was one of those kids you wonder where he is years after you leave the church. I remember when I was sitting in my office and his grandma called to tell me they had to put him in a mental hospital as a 10 year old. I cried that day. He was contacting me to say thanks for believing in him and loving him. He is doing really well now and is about to start college this fall. He said, when he had bad or sad days he would think back to being in Kid's Church with us and remember it will always get better. That message filled my heart as if it was one of my own kids. 

Last night, I got to go spend the evening with some dear friends of ours, the Steele's. We were celebrating Caleb's "gotcha day". They celebrate the day the adopted Caleb into their family from China. We had dinner at Ghengis Mongolian Grill and ate cake in the restaurant. It was a great time. I thought more about family. Moments like that are meant for family, but we were there.  

See, I don't know if it is because my parents opened our home to so many different people when I was a kid. Shoot, any college kid that came through our church growing up ate at least one meal at our house. So many different other friends that spent the night because it was just easier to stay with us. I don't know if it is because we moved around and our actual blood relatives were in so many different places, but my family has always been bigger than just my cousins. 

I have been blessed to have so many people that I love like family. I couldn't imagine going through life without these people. Come to think of it, they are my family. They have almost all been my church family at some point. I can't imagine going through life without these people that are my church family. I have so many kids that are growing up that I get to call mine, because they sat in my kid's church. I have so many families that I love because they treated us like family. How does anyone go through life without a church family? It has to be lonely. I know there are so many other support systems out there. Things like coworkers and workout buddies and even neighbors will be there in times of need. I will take the people I have served and served with at church any day. They are my family. They are the ones, I get to spend eternity with worshipping our God in Heaven one day. It will be an awesome time. My family is more than just those people I saw at that reunion last week. My family is people I have worshipped with through my life. My family is huge!

My Love Hate Relationship

Certain things in this world can be very frustrating but you still love them. They can make you angry but you can't imagine your life without them. You want swear them off, but you couldn't go a day minus their greatness. Today, I want to proclaim my "Love/Hate Relationship".  I have a "Love/ Hate" Relationship with socks.  Yes socks!

First of all, I love wearing socks. They keep your shoes from stinking. They absorb all that nastiness for you. In the winter time, they keep my feet warm. They don't help Margaret to much, as soon as the temperature is below 80 she starts putting her ice cold feet on my legs. They help me stay warm. The right pair of socks keep you comfortable on a run.  A colorful pair of socks can be a great fashion statement. The wrong pair of socks can be a great laugh (usually at some old guys expense). Socks are great!

Then, I find myself hating socks. I don't know wear I lose sock singles. Is it the dryer? Is it my kids' drawer? Do they disintegrate like a communication to Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible? Who knows? I do know that I have bought a slew of running socks over the past couple of years and I am down to 3, none of which match. On Sunday morning, I go to church early. I usually get dressed in the dark and try to let my wife sleep. Like my running socks, my dark color socks never have a match. I usually end up grumbling, dumping the drawer of socks out on the bed, turning the light on, and starting my day off frustrated. Even if I match them up when before I put them in the drawer, at some point they get separated. Are socks like characters in "Toy Story" as long as we are not looking they move around and have lives all their own?

I went to buy socks last night. I know that I have small feet for an average adult. I am 5'6". It would be stupid if I wore a size 10 shoe. I would look like Peggy Hill or Fred Flintstone. The problem is they usually only have one size adult sock, 6-12. How do they expect a size 6 person (I am an 8 1/2) wear the same size sock as a size 12 person? You end up with this crazy sock pleat sticking out of the back of your shoe. It is really frustrating. So, I can either go buy socks in the women's section (which always incorporate some sort of pink) or I can go buy them in the boys section (which almost always incorporates some sort of super hero). Ugh! Why do I feel like I must always wear socks!?!

It is a true "Love/Hate Relationship". I love to wear socks, but I am so frustrated with you right now socks. I am glad it is flip flop season.

Leading From Ahead

A great game all of us have played with kids one time or another is follow the leader. You walk around with your arms out like a bird. You hop around like a frog. You make funny noises to be what ever it is that you want the kids to do. It is fun.  The point is as kids are doing that, they are following the decisions you make. You can't play follow the leader and be behind them. You can't tell them to act like a bird after they are already acting like monkeys. Anything you lead, you must learn to lead from the front to be effective. This doesn't mean you have to be the guy up front talking. It does mean you need to make the decisions where the people you are following are going and what they look like. 

First, you have to decide what you want things to look like. In our families, do you want your kids to be athletes? Bible scholars? Nerds? or whatever. You lead them by creating places for them to love those things. I have a twelve year old daughter, she won't get her head out of a book. My wife wanted to pass down the love of reading to her so as a toddler she read to her a lot. If you want ministry to be fun for kids then you create avenues for fun in your ministry. If you want to create community you create opportunities for community. Leading ahead means you dictate what you want it to be. 

All to often, I see people that allow situations and circumstances to dictate where they lead. You lead from behind in those situation. Leading from behind in your family is a problem because it allows your children to dictate your mood and who they become. It drives me crazy to hear parents always yelling "NO" to their toddlers. Tell them what you want them to do. You leave a breakable trinket on the coffee table, it is your fault. You are creating a problem. Tell your child, "play with this". Move the item some place else. 

In your ministry, when you constantly allow situations to make you create new rules or policies then you are leading from behind. You can't allow a one time situation dictate policy. The more we create rules and policies that we have to dictate to our kids the more we lose the opportunity for kids to step up and do the right thing on their own. I am not saying go ruleless. I am saying create ministry that kids can succeed at managing themselves. Keep them interested. Keep them engaged. Keep them worshipping and the rules that you need followed will happen. Lead kids don't dictate rules. 

Do They Get It?

I spent the last couple of weeks at Family and Kid's Camp. Had a blast. God moved in the lives of so many kids this week. It was great. It is always so cool to see how God can move in so many unique ways at camp. That is a different blog than this one today. It will probably be next week actually. A couple from our church came and served with us at camp this week. They were wanting to come because their daughter was going to have her first camp experience. Their daughter has "special needs". She is great. I love this kid. She walks into kid's church like any other kid. She sings the songs and does the motions. She listens more attentively than almost any kid I have in Kid's Church. I was excited she was going to get to experience camp with us. 

Last night, as our kids were praying in the altar, her mom came up to me and asked if I could explain to her daughter about Jesus. She didn't think as much as she had heard about Jesus and spiritual things that she gets it. I called the little girl over and asked her some questions, mostly got "yeah" answers. It was sweet. I never got a real long answer from her. She never really gave me a long answer to any open ended questions you ask kids to see if they get it. (What did Jesus do? Who is Jesus? How do you get to Heaven? etc.) I prayed with her when I was done talking. Her Mom sat there as I was talking to her just listening intently. 

The Mom and I sat and talked for a few minutes after I prayed with her daughter. Her concern, "Does my daughter get it? Does she truly understand all this stuff?" I know this kid, I have seen her worship. She listens to me speak every Sunday. Does she truly get all the concepts of faith? I don't know, but do any of us really ever truly get it. I know so many Biblical concepts that I still shake my head and want to ask Jesus about when we get to Heaven. 

I do know that Romans 10: 17 says, "Faith comes from hearing the message. And the message that is heard is the word of Christ." I know she hears but does she understand? I believe on her level she does. I know that we all have different capacities for learning. I believe our faith and our understanding should coincide with that. In her case she may not cognitively get every abstract topic that goes along with spiritual understanding but if I ask her, "Do you love Jesus?" Her answer is, "Yes".  

All this for me to say this, I never thought about parents with special needs kids wondering, does my kid get it. I never considered the questions of some of these parents who look at their sweet children and wonder will they get it enough to spend eternity in Heaven. I can imagine them being concerned about physical well being and educational ability. It just hit me like a ton of bricks though as I heard this Mom concerned for the spiritual understanding of her kid. Let me put it like this, if you are telling them about Jesus, reading God's word to them, and taking them to church to hear God loves them, then yes they get it. They get it in their own special way. God loves them just as much and probably more then any other kids out there. To all parent's of special needs kids, pick your chin up God loves you and your child and wants you to know that he loves them too. 

Sports Camp Ponderings

This week we tried our Mega Sports Camp off campus. It was a great week. Here at the church we are very limited on what we can do just because we don't have big fields. I found a park with fields for soccer and football. It has black tops for basketball. We put the cheerleaders in a clearing and brought mats for them (on the days it didn't rain) and had the preschoolers at picnic tables. It was a great event. The Texas heat was pretty good to us (a couple of the kids may not agree with that). The kids that came all seemed to have fun. It just makes me think. 

As a young Pastor, I was always trying to do stuff that got people on campus. I did and still do a fall festival. I do Easter egg hunts. I have done VBS and other events at church like concerts and such. The thing I was wondering was do people know what those things are?

I noticed as I tagged people in pictures and saw pictures on Facebook from the week that people asked what is VBS? I had people that came up from the neighborhood and ask what we were doing? We invited them to join us. I was very proud of members from our team that talked to people in the neighborhood. Do people in the Post Christian Era still know what we are doing as a church? 

Do they see the church as a refuge for hurting or just another building? I think we have to create events like the one we did this week where we are seen by people who don't know what we are doing. We go on mission trips and we go to other areas many times to help out, but the church is becoming a building that people see and not a place that people can come find peace. I think in the day we are in we have to create opportunities to represent the church outside of our church to reach the lost, even kids. It is sad but we are quickly coming to an age when kids won't know what Sunday School is or many of the church standards that were commonplace in our vocabularies. We have to do things outside to draw people inside. 

I don't like being told what to do...

My son Cooper was mowing the yard the other day.  This Summer it is exclusively his gig. I have let him help with sections in the past but mowing has been officially added to his list of chores. Bill or I will go out and watch him or check for some missed spots as he is mowing, but I am trying to let him learn how take care of the yard. The first week he was mowing, I watched him just go all over the yard making more turns than and curves than a trip going up the side of a mountain in Colorado. I looked at him and said, "Son, you have to mow straight or you are going to miss some sections". He quickly respond with, "Dad, I am not the kind of guy to go in a straight line".  I didn't know if I should laugh or if I should whip his behind. I just shook my head, chuckled, and told him he was gonna have to go back and fix his spots he misses because he doesn't go in a straight line. I think there is part of that in all of us though. We like to change who we are or go against the flow just because we don't want to be told what to do. 

The Washington Redskins may lose millions of dollars just because they won't change their name. (Thanks to the US Patent office revoking some of their patent.) Daniel Snyder, the Redskins owner, from what I can tell won't change mainly because he just doesn't want to be told what to do. He wants to make a point. He doesn't want to go in the straight line like everyone else. He is gonna have to pay some for that but he seems to think it is worth it. 

Honestly, I think Cooper comes by his dislike of going in straight lines honestly. I don't really like being told what to do. You just have to understand their are always consequences to not going with the flow. You have to work harder for one. It may cost you something. In Coop's case he had to go back over some spots he missed. In the Redskins case, I am already printing out Redskins Suck T-Shirts and don't have to worry about paying for the right to print them. (Just Kidding but I know someone has already started that)

The good thing about not going with the flow or doing it your way, you may end up finding a new better way to do something. You may make a stand for something whether it be good or bad. We do have to understand God has place spiritual authority over us to keep us going the right direction but we have to understand who that is and when that is applicable. David understood that Saul was in authority over him as king so he spared his life but you can't say that he did everything Saul asked him to do. He was more interested in what God had called him to do. 

As a parent, we need to understand the fine line between our kids being human and rebelling them trying to understand how things are supposed to be done. None of us really like being told what to do. Sometimes, we have to let them learn that straight lines are better. 

Communicate...Don't Strike Out!

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 

James 1: 19-20

I was coaching my son’s baseball team when I looked at a child (not my son) right before he went to bat and said, “Don’t swing right away because the pitcher hasn’t thrown a strike this entire inning”. He looked at me and replied, “My mom is getting us pizza for dinner”. The boy walked up to the plate and swung at his first three pitches.  I don’t think he heard what I was saying. He had other things on his mind. He wanted to tell me what was on his mind instead of listening to my instructions. In families, our attempts at communication are many times just white noise in the background. 

Be quick to listen. The key to communication is listening. We can say stuff all day long it is just talking to ourselves until someone is listening. So often, we find ourselves looking at someone but never truly connecting with what they have to say. In families, if we don’t truly listen it leads to arguments. Lack of communication leads to confusion. Bad communication leads to striking out in three pitches. 

Take time out. Focus on each other. Listen to what each other has to say. Kid’s, your parents know what they are talking about. Parents, your kids want to hear about your day. Spouses, share your hopes. Communicate with each other it helps things go run better.