Not The Conversation I Thought I Would Have In A Duggout

I have coached youth sports for years. I coached kid's basketball before my son was old enough to play. Honestly, I enjoy it. I get to hang out with kids. I love coaching my son's teams, too. I have always been sitting on the bench or in the dugout. I have wrote on this blog about how I love just playing catch. Well, sitting there with kids can create great opportunities not just as a parent but as a Christian. 

Sitting in a dugout with a group of kids you hear many different conversations. You have many different conversations. You try your best to keep it about baseball. Consistently telling kids to keep their heads in the game. It is inevitable though, you will have conversations about farts, TV shows, stupid pranks, and just about any other topic 10 year old boys live for. I had an unexpected conversation the other day in the dugout that wasn't anything normal.

It was the top of the 2nd inning and our team was in the field. We have 12 players on our team so each inning 3 of our boys have to sit on the bench. I was sitting talking to one of our boys about keeping his head down and stepping towards the pitch as he swung his bat through the strike zone. He told me that he has had a problem with that for a while and that his Dad used to work with him by putting a bat behind his foot. Then, he explained that he hasn't worked on that since his Dad passed away last winter. I was caught off guard. We talked for a few minutes. I was on the verge of tears. He told me where he went that day. He spoke about being brave. He told me everything that happened. I told him if he needs to talk then feel free anytime. The inning ended. I went back to coach third base and we didn't talk about it anymore. The thing is, he knows I will talk with him. He feels safe talking to me. This isn't one of my kids from church. This is a kid that may never walk through the doors of my church. I still get to be a Christian influence in his life. I get to be his coach. 

It is important that we find places for us to speak into kid's lives. It is important that we put ourselves into situations where we can be Christian influences in kid's lives. Coaching gives me that. Coaching gives me an opportunity to create a witness to kids outside of the four walls of our church. I can mentor kids that have nothing to do with our church. It is important that you find places to speak into peoples lives that aren't from your church. It is important that as parents, kids pastors, or even Christians that we put ourselves into places where we can speak hope and life into kids. I want God to use me not just as a Kid's pastor but as a Christian that can set an example for others. 

Why We Do What We Do.... Small Groups (Part 2)

I remember being 9 or 10 and sitting in my Sunday School class in Houston. The teacher was talking about how they had just got a dog. She started talking about how cute it was and all kinds of stuff. I think she was just telling us a story. She didn't know that my dog had died that week. It may have been a few weeks later but recently my dog had died. I remember bawling like a baby. That Sunday School teacher, bless her heart, didn't know what happened. I do remember her staying after class and talking to me and praying with me about my dog. It meant more than she will probably ever know. That couple were awesome Sunday School teachers and I am still a fan of theirs. They did small groups for kids the way they should be done. 

As a kid, you don't realize you are going to small groups. Really, I don't think many adults realize it either. We attended Sunday school. We showed up for Royal Rangers. They were just things that we did. We had a few boys in our class. Every once and a while we would go on a campout or have a field trip. We did sword drills (races to see who could find scripture the fastest). We quoted memory verses for candy. We heard Bible stories. We found stuff on the maps in the back of our Bibles. We looked in the concordance for different scriptures. We asked questions. We prayed for each other. Small groups taught us what it means to be a church family. Our small groups should be a lot like that still. 

We have two different kinds of small groups at our church, Sunday School and Clubs. I know these are traditional. Many churches won't do them because they are "traditional". I know that if they are done right they can be effective. You don't think so, come visit. Each small group has a different purpose in our ministry. Sunday school is a just that discipleship for kids. Royal Rangers and Mpact Girls are mentoring/ gender specific ministry for our children. They both are needed to have a balanced kid's ministry. These are the ministries that are for our kids. They are the ministries where kids are able to go beyond basic stuff. They are able to ask questions and do hands on stuff. It isn't kid's church where that is designed for visitors. 

Sunday School classes are designed to be age appropriate. If it is a preschooler it should be hands on stuff. They learn from playing with stuff and short lessons. If it is an older kid it should be discussion and reading. They are emergent readers in older elementary. Kids should be challenged to get into their Bibles and find stuff. This is why we do JBQ and Bible Study classes during this same time. We want our kids to know certain things when they go to Student Ministry. This is only possible through a small group discipleship. 

Royal Rangers and Mpact Girls ministries are for mentoring kids. Everyone needs someone of the same gender to look up to. I can think of different Rangers Leaders/ Commanders that I worked with as a kid they were big influences on me growing up. I know the commanders I have now are the same to my church kids today. They teach things about being young men of God and our ladies share about being young women of God. No where else can guys be guys in a class. It is important for each gender to have this. I have said and will continue to say, "Badges don't matter, mentoring boys and girls that is why we do this." It amazes to see kids come in excited about these classes. It isn't about camping or crowning. It is about the leaders we have connecting with our kids.

I know many feel these programs are dated or you may not see have the logistics to do them. I can tell you this, if you are going to be effective as an entire children's ministry then you will have small groups that have both of these functions. Our leaders and parents have bought into these programs and that is why they are successful. We still have about 70% of our Sunday morning kids attend Sunday school. We also have larger attendance on Wednesday for our Clubs than we do for both services on Sunday. 

I have to evaluate these ministries differently than Kid's Church. Sunday School, I want to keep the attendance a high percentage of my Kid's Church kids. I want to see kids excited about learning scripture in these classes. I want to see relationships being built with leaders of my clubs. I want to see stuff happening outside of the classroom too. Relationships may be built in classes but solidified outside of the classes. I should see numbers on Wednesday larger than my Sunday numbers. Wednesday nights, I don't have split family kids that miss every other week gone one weekend or the next. These are the classes for our church kids. They are designed for that. If you are a parent and only bringing your kids to Kid's church you are missing out on these other valuable times. Small groups are for everyone but if we just expose our kids to a main service we are limiting our ability to partner with parents in the discipleship process of a child. 

Why We Do What We Do (Part 1)

Being intentional is super important. So often, we do stuff because it is what we have always done. We do stuff just because with no real apparent reason. It hurts our effectiveness. Every once and a while, we need to really sit back and evaluate all the aspects of our ministry. Make sure we know why we do what we do. We have 3 major ministries in our Kid's Ministry and each has a very important role. Over the next couple of posts, I want to share why we are doing what we are doing. Each has a reason. Each has a purpose. You may look at the stuff we do on the surface and say some of it is old fashioned. I know we do them for a reason. 

The first thing we do is Kid's Church. Kid's Church has a couple of very significant purposes. When I began in Kid's Ministry, my view of it was much different. I was confronted by a friend that attended another church who could not understand why you would want to have church without your entire family (I run into the exact opposite opinion of many people now). I remember at that point in my career responding to her by saying, if my Pastor wants to talk about sex or adultery it makes that sermon much easier without 6 year olds asking questions. That was never more evident than the time when a previous pastor I worked for asked why none of our families were coming back to church on Sunday nights. I remember talking to several of my leaders and encouraging them to join us for church on Sunday evenings. I told them, "It will be a great experience! You can worship with your kid" That of course was the night my pastor was talking about the end times and shared that the AntiChrist would be Pervert. I hear the question behind me, "What's a pervert?" The last time that family came on a Sunday night. Over the years, my reasons for doing Kid's church have evolved and become more defined than protection from a potty mouthed senior pastor. Kid's Church has a two real focuses and we try to plan them with these things in mind. 

First, we want to create an environment for the visitor. I want to make Kid's church a place Kid's want to return. We play games. We sing songs with fun motions. We tell Bible stories in fun ways. We tell jokes. We act silly. In planning kid's church, I want it to be a place where kids want to come back every week. I have to remember this is not where we are mentoring. I have to remember this is not where we are discipling. We are being evangelistic in our thinking. I want kid's to be able to bring their friends and know they have a chance to meet Jesus for the first time any week they come. Kid's church is for the visitor. I want that kid to tell his parent, I want to come back next week or I'll miss something huge. The thing is, if the visitor wants to come back and sit in a room full of kids he doesn't know yet then your regular kids will want to be back too. If you are creating an environment that is fun and exciting for the visitor then you will have less discipline issues because everyone will be having a great time. Kid's Church is for the visitor. 

The Second reason we do Kid's Church is to teach kids how to worship. Since kid's in most churches have been banished from the sanctuary with the decline of Sunday night worship and creation of Sunday night programming for kid's ministry, they rarely worship with parents. Kid's church is our opportunity to explain why we raise our hands. We can teach the importance of losing distractions by closing our eyes. Kid's can learn that worship is a time between them and God. That as they sing songs to God, he truly is pleased with that. In classes and small groups you rarely have the resources available to teach worship adequately. In Kid's church, I can teach these things and worship with the kids. It becomes a powerful experience each week. 

When I evaluate kid's church, I ask myself these two things: Were my visitors excited about it? Did my kid's worship? I teach a Bible story. I make a kid's sermon. I want every kid every time they come to our church to hear God's word. I know though in a large group setting, they will not get the best discipleship they can get. They will not be mentored by leaders the way every kid needs to be. Kid's church is just a grabber. It is a place where we can teach worship. If you only bring your child to that one thing, they will not get the big picture. They are sitting down for a complete breakfast and only eating the Fruit Loops. 

What is Family?

Over the last couple weeks, I have been bombarded with this question in my own heart. I spent last week, my vacation with 36 of my family members at another epic Wickert Family Reunion. It was great watching my kids get to hang out with cousins they never really get to see. I loved spending time with my Grandma. Doesn't get any better than that. The beach was great and it all was fun. 

I came back on Friday and had some of my kids visit from Cleburne. They really aren't kids now. These boys were my boys. When they were in elementary school, I ate dinner with them every Wednesday and we shot videos for Kid's Church announcements. Our "Sunday Morning Update" videos were always fun. I was so proud to see how they are becoming great men of God. They are also becoming very tall. Actually, they already became tall. I had such a great time with those guys being here this weekend. I think they are just as much a part of my family as anyone. (You too Ms. Teresa, you are the best). 

Sunday, just as our evening service was beginning, I received a Facebook message on my phone. One of my kids from Kid's Church was contacting me. He was one of those kids you wonder where he is years after you leave the church. I remember when I was sitting in my office and his grandma called to tell me they had to put him in a mental hospital as a 10 year old. I cried that day. He was contacting me to say thanks for believing in him and loving him. He is doing really well now and is about to start college this fall. He said, when he had bad or sad days he would think back to being in Kid's Church with us and remember it will always get better. That message filled my heart as if it was one of my own kids. 

Last night, I got to go spend the evening with some dear friends of ours, the Steele's. We were celebrating Caleb's "gotcha day". They celebrate the day the adopted Caleb into their family from China. We had dinner at Ghengis Mongolian Grill and ate cake in the restaurant. It was a great time. I thought more about family. Moments like that are meant for family, but we were there.  

See, I don't know if it is because my parents opened our home to so many different people when I was a kid. Shoot, any college kid that came through our church growing up ate at least one meal at our house. So many different other friends that spent the night because it was just easier to stay with us. I don't know if it is because we moved around and our actual blood relatives were in so many different places, but my family has always been bigger than just my cousins. 

I have been blessed to have so many people that I love like family. I couldn't imagine going through life without these people. Come to think of it, they are my family. They have almost all been my church family at some point. I can't imagine going through life without these people that are my church family. I have so many kids that are growing up that I get to call mine, because they sat in my kid's church. I have so many families that I love because they treated us like family. How does anyone go through life without a church family? It has to be lonely. I know there are so many other support systems out there. Things like coworkers and workout buddies and even neighbors will be there in times of need. I will take the people I have served and served with at church any day. They are my family. They are the ones, I get to spend eternity with worshipping our God in Heaven one day. It will be an awesome time. My family is more than just those people I saw at that reunion last week. My family is people I have worshipped with through my life. My family is huge!

My Love Hate Relationship

Certain things in this world can be very frustrating but you still love them. They can make you angry but you can't imagine your life without them. You want swear them off, but you couldn't go a day minus their greatness. Today, I want to proclaim my "Love/Hate Relationship".  I have a "Love/ Hate" Relationship with socks.  Yes socks!

First of all, I love wearing socks. They keep your shoes from stinking. They absorb all that nastiness for you. In the winter time, they keep my feet warm. They don't help Margaret to much, as soon as the temperature is below 80 she starts putting her ice cold feet on my legs. They help me stay warm. The right pair of socks keep you comfortable on a run.  A colorful pair of socks can be a great fashion statement. The wrong pair of socks can be a great laugh (usually at some old guys expense). Socks are great!

Then, I find myself hating socks. I don't know wear I lose sock singles. Is it the dryer? Is it my kids' drawer? Do they disintegrate like a communication to Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible? Who knows? I do know that I have bought a slew of running socks over the past couple of years and I am down to 3, none of which match. On Sunday morning, I go to church early. I usually get dressed in the dark and try to let my wife sleep. Like my running socks, my dark color socks never have a match. I usually end up grumbling, dumping the drawer of socks out on the bed, turning the light on, and starting my day off frustrated. Even if I match them up when before I put them in the drawer, at some point they get separated. Are socks like characters in "Toy Story" as long as we are not looking they move around and have lives all their own?

I went to buy socks last night. I know that I have small feet for an average adult. I am 5'6". It would be stupid if I wore a size 10 shoe. I would look like Peggy Hill or Fred Flintstone. The problem is they usually only have one size adult sock, 6-12. How do they expect a size 6 person (I am an 8 1/2) wear the same size sock as a size 12 person? You end up with this crazy sock pleat sticking out of the back of your shoe. It is really frustrating. So, I can either go buy socks in the women's section (which always incorporate some sort of pink) or I can go buy them in the boys section (which almost always incorporates some sort of super hero). Ugh! Why do I feel like I must always wear socks!?!

It is a true "Love/Hate Relationship". I love to wear socks, but I am so frustrated with you right now socks. I am glad it is flip flop season.

Leading From Ahead

A great game all of us have played with kids one time or another is follow the leader. You walk around with your arms out like a bird. You hop around like a frog. You make funny noises to be what ever it is that you want the kids to do. It is fun.  The point is as kids are doing that, they are following the decisions you make. You can't play follow the leader and be behind them. You can't tell them to act like a bird after they are already acting like monkeys. Anything you lead, you must learn to lead from the front to be effective. This doesn't mean you have to be the guy up front talking. It does mean you need to make the decisions where the people you are following are going and what they look like. 

First, you have to decide what you want things to look like. In our families, do you want your kids to be athletes? Bible scholars? Nerds? or whatever. You lead them by creating places for them to love those things. I have a twelve year old daughter, she won't get her head out of a book. My wife wanted to pass down the love of reading to her so as a toddler she read to her a lot. If you want ministry to be fun for kids then you create avenues for fun in your ministry. If you want to create community you create opportunities for community. Leading ahead means you dictate what you want it to be. 

All to often, I see people that allow situations and circumstances to dictate where they lead. You lead from behind in those situation. Leading from behind in your family is a problem because it allows your children to dictate your mood and who they become. It drives me crazy to hear parents always yelling "NO" to their toddlers. Tell them what you want them to do. You leave a breakable trinket on the coffee table, it is your fault. You are creating a problem. Tell your child, "play with this". Move the item some place else. 

In your ministry, when you constantly allow situations to make you create new rules or policies then you are leading from behind. You can't allow a one time situation dictate policy. The more we create rules and policies that we have to dictate to our kids the more we lose the opportunity for kids to step up and do the right thing on their own. I am not saying go ruleless. I am saying create ministry that kids can succeed at managing themselves. Keep them interested. Keep them engaged. Keep them worshipping and the rules that you need followed will happen. Lead kids don't dictate rules. 

Do They Get It?

I spent the last couple of weeks at Family and Kid's Camp. Had a blast. God moved in the lives of so many kids this week. It was great. It is always so cool to see how God can move in so many unique ways at camp. That is a different blog than this one today. It will probably be next week actually. A couple from our church came and served with us at camp this week. They were wanting to come because their daughter was going to have her first camp experience. Their daughter has "special needs". She is great. I love this kid. She walks into kid's church like any other kid. She sings the songs and does the motions. She listens more attentively than almost any kid I have in Kid's Church. I was excited she was going to get to experience camp with us. 

Last night, as our kids were praying in the altar, her mom came up to me and asked if I could explain to her daughter about Jesus. She didn't think as much as she had heard about Jesus and spiritual things that she gets it. I called the little girl over and asked her some questions, mostly got "yeah" answers. It was sweet. I never got a real long answer from her. She never really gave me a long answer to any open ended questions you ask kids to see if they get it. (What did Jesus do? Who is Jesus? How do you get to Heaven? etc.) I prayed with her when I was done talking. Her Mom sat there as I was talking to her just listening intently. 

The Mom and I sat and talked for a few minutes after I prayed with her daughter. Her concern, "Does my daughter get it? Does she truly understand all this stuff?" I know this kid, I have seen her worship. She listens to me speak every Sunday. Does she truly get all the concepts of faith? I don't know, but do any of us really ever truly get it. I know so many Biblical concepts that I still shake my head and want to ask Jesus about when we get to Heaven. 

I do know that Romans 10: 17 says, "Faith comes from hearing the message. And the message that is heard is the word of Christ." I know she hears but does she understand? I believe on her level she does. I know that we all have different capacities for learning. I believe our faith and our understanding should coincide with that. In her case she may not cognitively get every abstract topic that goes along with spiritual understanding but if I ask her, "Do you love Jesus?" Her answer is, "Yes".  

All this for me to say this, I never thought about parents with special needs kids wondering, does my kid get it. I never considered the questions of some of these parents who look at their sweet children and wonder will they get it enough to spend eternity in Heaven. I can imagine them being concerned about physical well being and educational ability. It just hit me like a ton of bricks though as I heard this Mom concerned for the spiritual understanding of her kid. Let me put it like this, if you are telling them about Jesus, reading God's word to them, and taking them to church to hear God loves them, then yes they get it. They get it in their own special way. God loves them just as much and probably more then any other kids out there. To all parent's of special needs kids, pick your chin up God loves you and your child and wants you to know that he loves them too.